Norman Ralph

• . @MR_OJR in the image of his testicles. So everyone that eats an easter egg is sucking jesus' balls. in reply to MR_OJR #
• Getting my nostalgia on watching Viva. #
• Easter eggs are such a con. £5 for a dairy milk!! #
• I can kind of get Christmas. It's Jesus' birthday. If he existed he must have had a birhday. He can't however, have risen after death. #
• Lol. @BinaryMage just called @chrisworfolk by @christopherowen name. Roflcopters. #
• That's the steak and salad consumed ready for doctor who now! #
• Seriously. Who voms in a shared entrance way?! Nasty times. #
• Anyone know how to deal with severe tension in the right side of my neck/shoulder. It's starting to cause real pain #
• Lol, my hair clippers ran out of battery half way thru a hair cut. I look silly now. #
• Also the trip to gym signals the start of my training for #3peakschallenge with @cwfnews over the summer. #
• Nothing like hitting the gym to clear out the cobwebs for spring! Also the view is pretty nice too. #
• Anyone else miss the days when twitter was for the snobby geek elite? Now the riffraff have cottoned on its a bit rubbish. #
• Top tip #9 don't read @JewelStaite blogposts if you're dieting. They just make you sooo hungry its unbelievable. Good writing though #
• Yay. Managed some world cinema before bed really like Silent Light (was on film4). I really do need to see more good film! #
• RT @charltonbrooker: #donaldtrumpisabellend LOOK IT UP #
• Done for 2 weeks and man do I love hot weather #
• RT @gibfootballshow: Need to share this via @DannyLast MONKEY'S RIDING DOGS http://youtu.be/qY_5HiTklrk #
• Why would someone where full DPM to work? #
• Finished rewatching Sherlock such good TV. #
• They do reggae reggae sauce dominos!! @bigsaltyjohn @lizziemoogle @Viki_Chan #
• Can't believe @Laura_Gibney just ignored me as she walked past. I waved and everything #
• Cocktails with @chrisworfolk remarkable drinkable! http://plixi.com/p/93731297 #
• Rubbish day at work today. looking forward to some Halfus attempts with @Viki_Chan @BinaryMage @theblindking etc later #
• Fave part of the film. Where the Penguin sub fires a polaris missile at the bat boat #
• Adam West Batman movie on Film 4 #

• Seriously guys, where is the 4am entertainment? #
• Too many shiny people! #
• Living it up at #wendy with @sarannity @theblindking and @YoungNicola #
• Well @chrisworfolk missed britney at #wendy #
• I got to touch the shiny #
• Also. @thealchemist88 is very sexually confusing #
• First time I've been able to listen to muse and not get upset. #winning #
• First time I've been able to listen to muse and not get upset. Q #
• This is @Viki_Chan getting her @muse on! http://plixi.com/p/93112506 #
• Signal #
• Pretty sure my day can't get any weirder. Just sent this pic by my friend as a reason to go resuce her. http://plixi.com/p/93082200 #
• Hmm, I think @lizziemoogle and @Viki_Chan have sabotaged my ipod. Thats the 3rd time in an hr that Map of the Problematique has come on. #
• RT @ProfBrianCox On Jan 1st 2013, do you think all the irrational people will suddenly see the error of their ways and start being rational? #
• Oh yeah. Curry day in canteen. #
• What a rubbish day its been so far. Hopefully tv/pc will cheer me up later. #
• Getting my #sherlock on. DVD of series one received today #
• Also, 3 day weeks for the win. #
• Off homeski where the internet works and beer is cold. #
• Internet is broken at work. What am I supposed to do now whilst pretending to work? :-p #
• RT @Opera_North: Dress rehearsal for new production of Fidelio tonight http://bit.ly/eBUb8k #ONfidelio #
• Some good news for @Viki_Chan @BinaryMage @theblindking @lizziemoogle is ave attempts per boss to kill is 41 for normal guilds. #
• The Shelter folk thought I was too young to donate :-S that means they thought I was under 18!!!! #
• Seems I have been in a charitable mood today. Just sponsored @MR_OJR and @Aislinfranci for their respective runs!s #
• RT @gibfootballshow Frickley AFC v Chasetown – Yorkshire Football Weekends continue – everyone loves a relegation fight http://bit.ly/eyNdMy #
• Looks like we might get a journeyman winner of this year's #masters #
• Tiger best in clubhouse at 278. With the way the players are trying to lose as fast as they can, it might be enough!! #masters #
• Does anyone want to win this?? #masters #
• I blame Ulster's loss to Northampton today in the Heineken Cup. If only they'd won?! #masters #
• Now he's in the stream. He'll be lucky to keep it to under 90 at this rate! #masters #
• I'm pretty sure I could have 4 putted that! #masters #
• Chokey McChoke. #masters #
• Fantastic play so far in the final round of the #masters #
• I think I'm gonna do the 3 Peaks Challenge for @cwfnews this summer. Good motivation to get fit. @Viki_Chan … http://tmi.me/8H9nP #
• RT @gibfootballshow: I know I'm in the minority here but I still like Tiger and would be happy to see him win #GoTiger #

For the second Saturday in a row, Andrew and I headed to a non-league fixture in Yorkshire as part of his Yorkshire Football Weekends series of articles. Following on from our trip to Bradford last week, we headed to the small town of South Elmsall found on the Leeds to Doncaster line, just to the east of Wakefield. Frickley Athletic was the destination team, and their key match against against Chasetown FC was the fayre for the afternoon.

As we alighted the train at the small, yet busy, station we started looking for somewhere to sate out thirst on what was a very balmy afternoon. It was some disappointment that we discovered that the more central of South Elmsall’s drinking establishments were all closed. Andrew had secured an interview with one of the committee members for Frickley Athletic so we headed towards the stadium a little earlier than we would have hoped. Luckily, on arrival at the ground we were greeted with the sight of the club house, complete with bar. Whilst Andrew grilled the club’s representative, I quaffed some refreshing beer and watched the racing from Aintree.

The Tech5 Stadium itself is exactly what I imagined a non-league ground to look like. A small, uneven looking pitch, surrounded by a low wall, with open grass banks at each end with a small terrace along the far side of the field and a larger terraced stand along the nearside. The ground, which a mere five years ago had been declared unfit for the Conference North, was tidy and compact and felt a lot more engaging and atmospheric than the offerings from the Horsfall Stadium the previous week.

One of the real treats that the Tech5 Stadium had to offer was the excellent pie and peas. Of the three things that Mark Ainge, a committee member for the club, had highlighted this was the one ha was most right about. The other two, the Frickley centre forward Ashley Longstaff and the goalkeeper Ben Simpson did not quite live up the billing.

The game itself was a real battle of a game. Frickley started the afternoon in the relegation zone of the Evo-Stik Northern Premier League and Chasetown needed a win to keep their play-off hopes alive. There was a real tension around the ground and I have to admit that I had this down as an away victory before the kick off.

Frickley started the brighter, with the two strikers holding the ball up well as part of a 4-4-2 formation, though the midfield seemed there more for decoration that purpose as the ball regularly bypassed them whilst being sent long by the centre halves.

As the half wore on, it was clear that the physicality of the two teams was coming to the fore, with stray elbows flying all over the place. It was somewhat against the run of play when the Frickley ‘keeper lost a regulation high ball from a corner and watched as it sailed through his arms into the back of the net. However, the goal seemed to spur the home side on and they picked up the temp and the competition seemed to get even fiercer.

Frickley got their equalizer just on the stroke of half time. Chasetown failed to clear the ball from a corner and a low driven shot found its way into the back of the net. An excellent time to score.

The second half was far more open with both teams looking for the winner. Jack Watts, the home side’s foil for the bruising play of centre forward Ashley Longstaff, was proving a real handful with his clever flicks and runs. The lad has a real future in the game and perhaps will find his way to the higher echelons. He appeared to have the skills and composure to make it to the lower leagues if he wanted to. With only a handful of starts for the club, he managed to bag his first goal towards the end of the half causing a wave of relief and jubilation to sweep across the nearly 200 fans supporting the home team. It turned out to be the winning goal and the young forward is unlikely to score a more important goal this season.

• Excellent day at the football. Good tense game, very physical. More on it at http://bit.ly/9Jp7nS later #
• Finished 2-1 to Frickley, the campaign to avoid relegation is still on. #
• Corner that led to the Frickley equaliser. http://plixi.com/p/90874286 #
• 1-0 to Chasetown. Against the run of play I have to say. This is a proper non-league game :-p #
• View from the terraces at Frickey Athletic's Tech5 Stadium. http://plixi.com/p/90860770 #
• On the train with @andrew_gibney heading for South Elmsall for Frickley Athletic V Chasetown. #
• Why do the ticket machines at Leeds station never work?! #
• Why oh why did I think an ale festival was a good idea? #
• RT @MK_Laura: Really must learn not to do Tim Minchin youtubing sessions after drinks. White Wine In The Sun seems 100 times more emotional. #
• Commando roll for the win. #
• Getting just the right kind of drunk good company and good ale always make for an enjoyable evening. #
• RT @timminchin: In case you missed it earlier: Storm the Movie is up and flying. http://tinyurl.com/StormTheMovie #
• Apparently a girl at work hasn't brought cake in as she can't find one big enough for me ,d @andrew_gibney #fatbus #
• And people were worried about McIlroy's short game? Just seen some highlights of his round today! #masters #
• I need to read more. #
• RT @gibfootballshow: It has been decided and the next Yorkshire Football Weekend will be Frickley Athletic v Chasetown #
• So Obama is the antichrist. #theroux #
• They got some catchy tunes these nutters. #theroux #
• Apparently Louis #theroux is a jack weasel. #
• RT @mjrobbins: I'll say this for the #wbc they sing a catchy tune! #theroux #
• WBC member 'the holocaust will seem like a teaparty compared to this'. Wow. #theroux #
• Omg. The video on #theroux about the doom of jews in Israel made by WBC just made me spill my drink. @chrisworfolk @YoungNicola watch it. #
• RT @Psythor: Can we all agree on #theroux for the Louis Theroux hashtag? #
• Watching Louis #Theroux on BBC2. Really enjoyed his last documentary on Westboro Baptist Church. #
• RT @Psythor: We're just six likes away from 700 on Facebook. Oh go on, make my ego gigantic! http://is.gd/LC4X1t #

So Kieran has finally managed to get his photos up from Europe.

It has been a long time since I went to see a live football game so when Andrew at work offered me the chance to join him in on his Yorkshire Football Weekends, a plan to see a different Yorkshire club play each Saturday afternoon for the rest of the season, I jumped right on board. I really enjoy live sport in any guise and used to love my afternoons at Headingley when I was a member at Yorkshire Cricket Club.

Following a mad dash for the train due to some faulty ticket machines at Leeds station we eventually jumped on a train to Bradford where we were going to catch the bus up to Horsfall Park, the home of the once mighty Bradford Park Avenue AFC. The club now plays in the Evo-stik Northern Premier League – the 7th tier of English football’s pyramid – but once graced the higher echelons of the league structure, playing in the first and second divisions throughout the pre-war years.

We grabbed a few drinks in the local drinking establishment once we arrived at the stadium and enjoyed the second half of the Manchester United and West Ham game via Greek satellite. The remarkable finish to that game put us in just the right mood for the afternoon delights to follow.

Many people would question our choice to visit a non-league side in search of live football, but with tickets costing less than ten pounds and a really goof atmosphere where you really feel part of the club, I think that non-league is actually a really good way of getting into live football and I would recommend everybody to check out their local clubs.

The game itself was a bit of a thriller with Bradford Park Avenue finishing the first half with a four goal to one lead. The standard of football was actually really high, with some good first touches and a commitment to playing the football along the ground with short passes in the channels and some smart runs off the ball. The second half was a little more disappointing as the non-league fitness levels caught up with the players and the game started to break down and fall into long ball tennis in patches. We did see another two goals in the second half, including a free kick taken from outside the penalty area that was remarkably similar to the one Wayne Rooney had scored for Man Utd earlier int he day at Upton Park. The final score finished 5-2 to Bradford Park Avenue. You can check out a full match report at Andrew’s football website.

The afternoon was rounded off when we visited the same drinking establishment as earlier in the day only to find we had stumbled into the West Yorkshire Divisional meeting of the English Defence League. We scarpered pretty quickly!

• The morning after the night before. #
• Fun times out with @YoungNicola @chrisworfolk @BinaryMage @theblindking @thealchemist88 and @MR_OJR #
• Out at Fab with the gang. Anyone not here should come. #
• So apparently @MR_OJR likes to go down, touch, pause and then ENGAGE! #
• Sat in a pub with a meeting of the EDL. #
• Final score 5-2 to Bradford PA. #
• 4-1 at half time. Soft penalty given to Kendal at end of half, sure the ref felt sorry for them. Good standard of football. #
• Who needs Barcelona? 4-0 after 20mins. Go the Avenue. #
• Free kick flashes across 6yd area. http://plixi.com/p/88895872 #
• The toss. http://plixi.com/p/88892700 #
• Bradford Park Avenue v Kendal Town with @andrew_gibney http://plixi.com/p/88891827 #
• Not been to a real life football game since uni. Have things changed since my day? #
• Can someone explain to me why simple majority isn't good? I just dont get how convincing more people to vote for me than someone else is bad #
• Ahh, Randy Newman always comes on when I least expect. Gotta love those short people :-p #
• Off for some sleep before hitting up the footy with @andrew_gibney in Bradford. Hopefully the first of many. #
• Loving me some Stevie Nicks tonight #
• I love tom seleck's tache so much. #
• Even though @DavidAllenGreen post was an April fool, it raises some valid points on how people with set ideas react to contrary positions. #
• After reading @DavidAllenGreen piece on skeptics is a cult. I'm so glad @leedsatheistsoc has annual debate on merits of dawkins #
• Some valid and interesting points RT @DavidAllenGreen: Jack of Kent: Why "skepticism" has just become another cult http://bit.ly/dZgtJC #
• How many computing/computer science people does it take to boot from disk? #
• So, anyone in the uni are want to go for a drink. Don't wanna waste a taxi fare and rush home. #
• Rubbish. Wasted taxi journey sold out tomorrow too. #
• Who knew student events sell out… #
• Love that Budweiser actually market flat beer as having an 'easy taste'. #
• Not long til I get to see @Aislinfrancis do some swing and ballet apparently there is other dancing too. #
• Anyone want a free @o2 t-shirt? They don't make stuff big enough for me so I can't use it. Sizist!! #
• Can't decide if the use of parentheses in tweets is acceptable or not #middleclassnightmares #
• Just set my alarm for 1min later than normal to give me the illusion of a lie in #onlycheatingmyself #
• It also seems @Sean_M_Maher and @JewelStaite are working out their disney characters. #
• Man, Twitter can be a fickle place. Hardly any activity in ages then @ahsstudents @YoungNicola and @godwinslaw1 all get involved #
• Argh, not enough people tweeting to sate my Twitter appetite tonight. Why can't interesting things happen exactly to suit me?! #
• Can't believe that @chrisworfolk got #ipad2 from work! I'm a tiny bit jealous but I paid for new pc today (finally) so should make up for it #
• Nothing like a good dose of Samuel L Jackson to round off the day£ #
• Getting my Samual L Jackson on #
• In bed before 10.30!! Crazy times we're living in. Off to see @Aislinfrancis tomorrow in #luudanceshow #
• RT @wyhumanists: We're co-hosting the 2011 #secularball . Follow @secularball for more details! #
• RT @caitlinmoran: Sometimes, the @DalaiLama's Tweets of wisdom seem *this* far away from going "Nice to see you – to see you, nice!" #
• I went with staying up and having supper. Well I say supper… I had a creme caramel and half a pint of questionable milk. #
• Finally made it home now, do I stay up and have some supper or go to bed? #
• RT @DominicPollard: A final plug – Player prejudice: The blinkered nature of football coverage… http://tinyurl.com/6fvzvk3 #
• It was funny > RT @andrew_gibney: A girl on the train just said she needs to practice breathing #
• I would have given it more but lost a mark cos I only started my taylor swift homework today @andrew_gibney in reply to andrew_gibney #
• We have a fainter on the train. #
• Good job @andrew_gibney is secretly a #jedi and managed to weave throught to crowds. This is one packed train!! #
• Gig was good. 7/10 overall, but 10/10 for crowd engagement. #
• Countdown is on. 10 mins to train and @andrew_gibney has left his bag in the suite. #ticktock #
• Other 2 are Muse and Marilyn Manson. #
• She is good this girl. Top 3 live acts for pure audience manipulation. #
• She does the 'alizee'. #
• For those that watched Ally Mcbeal and rememeber Ling… I'm convinced that Taylor Swift would give great hair. #
• It seems she also actually plays guitar too. #
• Box isn't best seat in house, but has a free bar http://plixi.com/p/87897712 #
• Well she's pretty hot I'll give her that. #
• Getting nicely drunk now. #
• Top tip #2 for how to feel old… Go to a taylor swift gig. #
• On train to Manchester with @andrew_gibney to see Taylor Swift courtesy of @o2 #
• RT @andrew_gibney: Going to see @taylorswift13 tonight with @thenoman in Manchester, courtesy of @O2 gonna be brilliant #
• I have a cunning plan. @chrisworfolk and @BinaryMage we need to put together a house party of the epic kind. They will sing songs of this. #
• Denied! Stupid knee stopped me giving blood #
• Nothing like a good olf fashioned blood letting to cheer yourself up #
• Short and sweet visit to Bradford. Suit fitted. Symbolic bacon roll consumed. On bus home. #
• Oh @chrisworfolk our vision for the @ahsstudents to basically be a dating agency is working!! Muahahaha #
• So woke up this morning to find that @MR_OJR and @godwinslaw1 are an item. Only me and @malahath left from the old crew #
• Off to Bradford in the morning to get measured for a suit. Hope everyone has done their #census today and ticked no religion!! #

My good friend Andrew got married earlier this month in Jamaica and, due to the costs involved in getting out there, I wasn’t able to go to his wedding in person. I felt quite bad about the fact I couldn’t share in their happy occasion so started to think about what I could do to make it up to him when I noticed that my work were offering box seats to go and see Taylor Swift perform live at Manchester’s MEN Arena. Andrew is a big Swift fan so I entered the competition (having had to Google the answer to the question) and lo and behold I won a pair of tickets.

I am not what anyone would call a Taylor Swift fan, prior to entering the competition I was only vaguely aware she existed, mainly through Andrew’s fanboy ranting, and had heard maybe one song. So it was with some trepidation that I boarded the train in Leeds heading for Manchester Victoria. Andrew made the trip a lot easier by bringing along a bottle of Wray and Nephew overproof rum which we mixed with some apple juice (not my choice, but was actually really good at hiding the killer after taste of overproof rum).

We rolled up the box at about half seven and settled into our free Spanish chicken and pasta meal and the free bar. There was a Scottish pop duo supporting Taylor that had some catchy melodies but were nothing I would write home about. The overwhelming sensation from the build up to the main event was how young a lot of the audience were. Andrew and I have a combined age in the mid fifties, so we were significantly older than most of the people there to watch the gig (ignoring their parents).

Taylor Swift was actually really good live. Not only is she quite beautiful, she can sing and dance and also plays guitar, piano and ukulele. Increasingly rare in the manufactured pop world, Taylor also writes some of her own material. Her songs are not brilliant, a little cliched in places and clearly aimed at the teen market she didn’t quite sell the sentiment of her songs to me. Where she excells, though, is in how she performs. Taylor is a master on stage. She had the audience eating from the palm of her hand and was literally conducting them to her tune. As a live act, Taylor ranks up along Muse and Marilyn Manson in her ability to manipulate and motivate an audience into going on the concert journey with her.